Aphantasia and Art
And what happens when you don’t have a minds eye as an artist?!
A woman with a blue triangular bob has her the inside of her head on show - It’s dark and empty, in the background various characters are also left with the inside of their heads on show, revealing a giant inner eye.
I’m so glad you asked! My name is Ysabel and I’m an illustrator with Aphantasia. 'What the hell is Aphantasia’ I bet you’re asking yourself (unless you know me personally in which case I’m sure i’ve talked your ear off about it at length). Aphantasia is the inability to visualise in your minds eye, to picture something using your ‘imagination’.
‘Sounds really inconvenient to be an artist that lacks the ability to visualise’ I bet you’re thinking, but actually - it’s not something I knew was ‘a thing’ until I was about 26 years old. I found out I have aphantasia by watching a YouTube video about an animator who has it, and I was floored by the realisation that people are actually seeing things in their minds eye, and I can’t. I mean, It is FOR SURE something you can live without as an artist because I’ve been drawing stuff and making pictures since I was able to pick up a pencil but let me tell you, when I found out other people were actually able to ‘see’ stuff with their minds eye - I FREAKED OUT BIG TIME.
I cried for like an hour after that video, up until this point I had thought that when people were asking me to imagine being on a beach or *insert other meditation setting here*, I had thought it was a turn of phrase. Obviously, you’re not all seeing what that beach is like right? RIGHT?!
Ysabel’s hand is holding up a small sketchbook with the initial sketch ideas for the title image, they are drawn quickly with pencil - the word Aphantasia is scribbled across one of the pages in Ysabel’s terrible handwriting.
“What do you mean you’re actually seeing it” I shrieked in a very cool, relaxed and calm way when I did the apple test with my friends and family (the apple test is were you try to visualise an apple and score how much detail you can see it with) - sore at the fact I was so unable to summon even the slightest shape or colour into my brain when I closed my eyes, this is also when I realised I don’t even have an internal monologue (cue more stress).
At this point I felt so defective - what do you mean everyone else is seeing cool stuff in their brain and chatting away to themselves?! I felt like I was missing out on something so rich and internal, and there was no way for me to access this inner world. It took me a few weeks to get over myself - after all, you cannot miss something you’ve never had and it has never stopped me from living a rich and creative life.
Eventually, once I realised that I was not missing out, I started to think about what an interesting characteristic it is - and about the difference between imagination and visualisation, because clearly they’re not the same. My work doesn’t lack imagination, and I can boycott the need for visualisation during the planning stages of my process. Planning out pieces helps me to make decisions about composition, texture and colour so I don’t go into every project with a sense of blindness - but sometimes for fun in my personal work I’ll just go straight in and surprise myself.
A couple of whole apples- one red and one green - and a slice of apple with visible seeds are sitting on a pink countertop, behind them are some tiles with an abstract floral pattern.
When I think about all the ways that my Aphantasia helps me in my artistic practice, I’m grateful for it. For example, It helps me to not be precious about my work because I don’t have a really set expectation of how it should look before I start, and it helps me to feel really connected to my body when I’m working, because things feel like they’re happening so intuitively. I also have never known the horror of watching a film and being upset that nothing is like when you imagined it in your head after reading the book.
I think it’s super cool that some people have the ability to visualise - a friend of mine once told me she can imagine objects in 3D and turn them around in her mind which is wicked. I’m sure that it’s a really powerful tool - but if you’re like me, and you can’t imagine, don’t worry about it, you’ve got a different cool gift.
As always - thanks for reading, I appreciate you <3
If you have any questions about aphantasia, me or my work - please do reach out, i’d love to hear from you.
Wishing you all the good things!
-Ysabel